• Josh Gulotta

Hairy the Hare Meets the Rascal Randall!

Our new youth series is an episodic adventure featuring the Easter Bunny's visit to the UPG! Input and ideas from the comments section will determine the future of Hairy's adventures! Make sure to add your thoughts in the comments.


Special thanks to Diane Horoschock for illustrating Hairy for us in today's post!


HEY THERE EGGHEAD! Don't fall behind! Here's chapters one, two and three!



CHAPTER FOUR! RUDE RANDALL



“Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets.”

- Matthew 7:12



Have you met Randall yet? Randall is the naughtiest, rudest, crudest boy in the entire Lehigh Valley. Don’t take it from me! Take it from the comments section of his fourth quarter report card:

"Randall is the naughtiest, rudest, crudest boy in the entire Lehigh Valley!"

Randall gargles soda during grace. He wipes his boogers on his dog. He kicks his sister when she’s studying and he pokes his guinea pigs when they’re sleeping. And worst of all? He doesn’t care about anyone’s feelings but his own.


The other children are always nice to Randall, because that is the right thing to do. But no one likes a troublemaker, so Randall was often left without friends at church and Sunday School.


Mrs. Terry felt sorry for Randall. All children are good deep down. She remembered when Randall was a sweet little boy who always shared his snacks and never said rude things to older members of the congregation. She wished he would find that nice side again. She thought Hairy could maybe help, and that’s where she sent him next.


Hairy arrived at Randall’s front door and gave a knock. Randall’s mother is a doctor, so she was working long hours away from home taking care of people in the hospital. Randall was old enough to stay at home alone, and it was Randall who answered the door.


“Yeah,” Randall said, chewing gum, “what do you want?”


Hairy gave a great big buck toothed grin. He waved his hands and hopped from foot to foot, intent on making a good first impression.


“So you’re the Easter rabbit, huh?” Randall said, blowing a gum bubble. “Yeah, Mrs. Terry told me you’d be coming. Well I’m not interested in houseguests right now, rabbit or otherwise!”


And with that, Randall slammed the door in Hairy’s face.


Well, the Easter Bunny isn’t one to give up so easily, so he gave another rap, rap, rap on the door and waited for a reply.


“Alright!” Randall yelled from the other side of the door, “you can come in. But don’t say I didn’t warn you!”


Randall opened the door and ran up the stairs to his bedroom, leaving Hairy alone on the front stoop.


Hairy took a step into Randall’s house. That was his first mistake.


Randall didn’t keep himself busy doing homework or playing his favorite video game or reading his favorite book series. Ever since school was cancelled Randall had been constructing elaborate traps to torture his sister and mother.


Hairy took that step into Randall’s house and immediately tripped over a long thin line of string that had been stretched across the front doorway. 


The string was attached to the blinds of the front window; when it was triggered it pulled the blinds up. 


The blinds knocked a broom that was propped against the window. 


The broom fell with a “clang” on a toy seesaw that was placed by the coat rack!

 

On the other end of the seesaw was a large shaving cream pie that launched into the air and landed directly in Hairy’s face!!


Hairy went stumbling backwards and landed on something warm. Actually, it was hot… Actually, it was VERY HOT!


Hairy hopped back to his feet and turned just in time to realize he had fallen in another carefully placed pie that had been LIT WITH BIRTHDAY CANDLES!


Not only was Hairy’s behind covered in pie, his poor cottontail was smoldering!

Randall stood at the top of the stairs and giggled and cackled and guffawed as Hairy frantically hopped out of the house and down the sidewalk and out of sight. If he could talk Hairy would have yelled and cried all the way down the block.


It was a disastrous visit.


You may wonder what happened to Randall to make him such a terrible, misbehaved child. None of the kids knew, and Mrs. Terry didn’t know, but Hairy knew all about it thanks to the eggpionage department of his Easter bunny operation.


When Randall was a little boy, littler than he is now, he had a friend named David. He and David got in a lot of trouble for talking during class and for making turkey gobbling sounds at inappropriate times during the Thanksgiving pageant. But any adult knows this behavior (though certainly naughty) is all part of growing up. They were two good children who were still learning right from wrong.


One day Randall and David were at a candy store around Easter time, and they were looking at all the different chocolate eggs for sale.


“Look,” David said to Randall. “Someone broke one of the eggs!”


Randall looked and saw one of the chocolate eggs had been smushed. The tin foil was torn open and the chocolate shell had been cracked.


“Look!” David said, peeking inside. “Sprinkles!”


Randall looked and saw the chocolate egg was full of sprinkles! “I want one of those for Easter,” he said to David.


“I wonder if they’re chocolate flavored sprinkles or rainbow flavored sprinkles,” David said. He took a pinch of the sprinkles and popped them in his mouth. “Rainbow flavored!” He announced happily.


Randall took a pinch himself and popped them in his mouth. He shared a big grin with David, but was confused when his friend’s smile turned into a frown of terror. Randall turned and found the candy store employee standing over them, arms crossed.


The boys were detained in two folding chairs in the back room of the candy store.

The employee who caught them was a young man named Rudolf Tooldolf. He was the bitterest young man you’ve ever had the displeasure of meeting. He was even worse than Randall, because he was a grown up. He hated children because he thought they were too loud and noisy in the candy store. He also hated children because when he was a child all the other kids made fun of his name.


It’s never smart to make fun of someone’s name. I have two friends named Wendy Wacko and Roland Downbanks. When I first met them I teased them about their names. Wendy and Roland were both hurt. It took them quite a long time for them to want to be my friend. I’m glad we’re all friends now, but I’m sorely sorry I missed out on all that extra time we could have spent together if I had behaved differently.


But Rudolf Tooldolf took things too far. He took revenge on all children for the bad things a few children had done to him in his past. He was always looking for ways to get children in trouble. He reported every child’s nose pick and finger bite to their parents. He extorted children by adding a “cheapskate tax” on every purchase under five dollars. And when he caught a child doing something actually bad? Then things got really grim.


Rudolf Tooldolf called the school principal, the sheriff, the fire department, the mayor, the city council, the bishop, and the local branch of the FBI to report the “foiled robbery”. When he realized no one was interested in a crime so small (after all, how much does eight stolen sprinkles cost?) he settled for calling Randall's mother and David’s grandfather.


I think if I was working in that candy store I’d have handled things a lot differently. I bet you would have too. And I bet we can both agree Rudolf Tooldolf had no place working in a candy store at all.


David and Randall were both punished for their actions.


David went home that night and prayed to God to be forgiven for eating those pilfered sprinkles. A few weeks later he heard a sermon that God forgives you even before you’re sorry, and that gave him a lot of comfort and helped him understand that he was still liked and loved even when he did something wrong.


Randall, on the other hand, was caught up in a small detail of Rudolf Tooldolf’s report to his mother. Rudolf Tooldolf had stated that Randall had broken into the egg before taking the sprinkles, and that simply wasn’t true. It seems to me that Randall was focused on the wrong thing, but in his mind he had been a victim of an exaggerated claim.


The next day Randall’s mother found a cup of orange juice spilled in a freshly cleaned basket of laundry.


“Randall,” his mother said sternly. “Did you do this?”


“YES I DID!” Randall yelled defiantly, “but I DIDN’T break that EGG!”


From then on, Randall always fessed up when he did something wrong, but he always followed his confession with, “but I DIDN’T break that EGG!”


For you and me this may seem like a silly thing to focus on. For Randall it was the start of a long campaign to clear his name from the destruction of candy charge.


Hairy knew all of this, of course, because the incident involved a candy egg, and Hairy knows everything about everything when it came to eggs. He knew what Randall did was wrong, but he also knew Randall was upset that no one believed him about breaking the  candy egg in the first place.


After he iced his tail and cleaned his face and whiskers, Hairy resolved to make a friend of the rudest child in town.

--

What would YOU have done if you were Rudolf Tooldolf? What about if you were David and Randall?


How do you think you would treat someone like Randall? How do you think Jesus would treat someone like Randall?


You haven’t forgotten about that mysterious egg, have you? What clues do you think the Eggquisition found so far?


POST your answers below or on our Facebook page and we’ll incorporate your thoughts and ideas into the next episodes!



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